As I reflected on my personal experiences and a conversation with a good friend, I came to ask why M2M relationships do not last long. My friend maintained that although most of his past relationships were with good sensible guys, still, why did they not last? The longest he had was 6 months while the shortest did not even reached a month! He has always wanted a lifetime relationship with someone he really cares about. Someone that he truly loves.
With my little mind, I came up with the following probable theories that would perhaps explain why. But remember, I might be wrong and for every rule, there is always an exception.
1. Commitment Phobia. Occupying the top of my list and (I think) the most important of all in the crucial maintenance of a relationship is commitment. I have observed that majority of men are afraid to commit into a relationship or maintain it. Like in heterosexual relationships, as much as possible, males want freedom. No strings attached. Since a relationship requires commitment, be it in time, effort, or resources, it restrains them to do things which they can freely do if they had not enter into the relationship.
A friend once said that love and attraction is not enough to keep a relationship intact. It is the commitment that binds the relationship together even in the most trying times. Since men are generally afraid of commitment, it generally follows that a relationship composed of two men will, most likely than not, have a short “life span.”
2. Visual-Sexual Factor: Men are primarily visually and sexually motivated. For this reason, a guy’s casual acquaintance with another good looking, attractive, sexy guy might lead to the ruins of his existing relationship to pursue the new person of his desire and affection.
3. Discontentment and Dissatisfaction. Intimately related to #2 is the level of contentment and satisfaction that a couple have for each other and for the relationship. Discontentment and dissatisfaction stem from several possible causes, some of which are quite superficial:
a.) Unmet physical appearance preferences
b.) High personal standards and ideals
c.) Sexual incompatibilities
d.) Personality and character incompatibilities
e.) Difference in sets of values and personal beliefs and principles
f.) Others... ;-)
4. Existing relationships. "You cannot serve two masters. Either you serve the other and despise the other." This also applies to relationships. If either one of the couple has an existing relationship (boy or girl), problems arise. Problems may occur sooner or later in the relationship.
3. Lack of Social Support: Heterosexual relationships last even amidst problems and serious misunderstanding due to the amount of social support and pressure that encourage the couple to stay together. Friends and families along with colleagues and co-workers provide an excellent source of social support (and pressure) that edifies the relationships. Making friends and or families aware of the relationship gives them the opportunity to give words of counsels and encouragement beneficial to maintain the relationship.
Needless to say, social support of a relationship fosters commitment. In the Philippine setting, however, since male-to-male relationship is a taboo and is not sanctioned by the society, there is very little or even absent support that male couples receive making the relationship prone to problems and break ups. If this applies openly gay couple, how much worse can the situation be for DY couples whose relationship oftentimes are known only to themselves and perhaps a very limited number of meticulously selected trusted friends!
My conclusion? If you intend to enter into a relationship that lasts, find a highly committed person who does not easily flirt around. Be content of your partner for what and who he is and be satisfied of the relationship. Once the relationship is established, get as much social support as you can by telling as much people about it as you deem appropriate and necessary. Wise discretion is the key. These people may include open-minded and supportive friends, family members, colleagues, etc.. Doing all these does not guarantee longevity of the relationship but will hopefully fortify it and make it last.
With my little mind, I came up with the following probable theories that would perhaps explain why. But remember, I might be wrong and for every rule, there is always an exception.
1. Commitment Phobia. Occupying the top of my list and (I think) the most important of all in the crucial maintenance of a relationship is commitment. I have observed that majority of men are afraid to commit into a relationship or maintain it. Like in heterosexual relationships, as much as possible, males want freedom. No strings attached. Since a relationship requires commitment, be it in time, effort, or resources, it restrains them to do things which they can freely do if they had not enter into the relationship.
A friend once said that love and attraction is not enough to keep a relationship intact. It is the commitment that binds the relationship together even in the most trying times. Since men are generally afraid of commitment, it generally follows that a relationship composed of two men will, most likely than not, have a short “life span.”
2. Visual-Sexual Factor: Men are primarily visually and sexually motivated. For this reason, a guy’s casual acquaintance with another good looking, attractive, sexy guy might lead to the ruins of his existing relationship to pursue the new person of his desire and affection.
3. Discontentment and Dissatisfaction. Intimately related to #2 is the level of contentment and satisfaction that a couple have for each other and for the relationship. Discontentment and dissatisfaction stem from several possible causes, some of which are quite superficial:
a.) Unmet physical appearance preferences
b.) High personal standards and ideals
c.) Sexual incompatibilities
d.) Personality and character incompatibilities
e.) Difference in sets of values and personal beliefs and principles
f.) Others... ;-)
4. Existing relationships. "You cannot serve two masters. Either you serve the other and despise the other." This also applies to relationships. If either one of the couple has an existing relationship (boy or girl), problems arise. Problems may occur sooner or later in the relationship.
3. Lack of Social Support: Heterosexual relationships last even amidst problems and serious misunderstanding due to the amount of social support and pressure that encourage the couple to stay together. Friends and families along with colleagues and co-workers provide an excellent source of social support (and pressure) that edifies the relationships. Making friends and or families aware of the relationship gives them the opportunity to give words of counsels and encouragement beneficial to maintain the relationship.
Needless to say, social support of a relationship fosters commitment. In the Philippine setting, however, since male-to-male relationship is a taboo and is not sanctioned by the society, there is very little or even absent support that male couples receive making the relationship prone to problems and break ups. If this applies openly gay couple, how much worse can the situation be for DY couples whose relationship oftentimes are known only to themselves and perhaps a very limited number of meticulously selected trusted friends!
My conclusion? If you intend to enter into a relationship that lasts, find a highly committed person who does not easily flirt around. Be content of your partner for what and who he is and be satisfied of the relationship. Once the relationship is established, get as much social support as you can by telling as much people about it as you deem appropriate and necessary. Wise discretion is the key. These people may include open-minded and supportive friends, family members, colleagues, etc.. Doing all these does not guarantee longevity of the relationship but will hopefully fortify it and make it last.
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