The Sex Cement Effect: It's fate on Casual Sex

Disclaimer: This article is quite biased against casual sex but is not intended to condemn such or intended to elicit hostile reactions... peace. :-)

You might be wondering what this article is all about. Well, I just thought how many guys in the m2m world must have probably found themselves disappointed and unhappy over and over again when they engage in what is suppose to be just a casual sex and eventually find themselves emotionally attached and wrecked.

I have thought of this when a good friend of mine (who came out to me, but unknown to him we're alike..wink*wink* ) tells me about his devastation in his series of failed m2m relationships. I found out that what usually happens is that those relationships all initially started with casual sex. Then if they click, they try to elevate the random encounter into a relationship. However, it doesn't last because sooner he will either feel the other guy growing cold or find out the other guy is secretly seeing another one. Well, having met those guys from a gay dating site, with headless steamy pics on their profiles, it can be expected why (I am not trying to generalize, ok?). So apparently, physical attraction and sexual object preceded the getting-to-know stage and bonding stage and has become the foundation of the relationship. Shouldn't it be ideally the other way around? Shouldn't it be that two people should get to know each other first before entering into a relationship? Shouldn't it be that sex only follows as the ultimate sign of the blooming relationship?

I came to think of sex as a some sort of a relationship cement. The sexual act is suppose to cement and fortify a relationship rather than serve as the initiator, nurturer, developer of it . Sex is designed to ultimately bring out deeper emotions that binds lovers together in a bond that further strengthens the established relationship. Sex opens up emotional avenues that remain closed in platonic relationships. Sex allows deeper emotional attachment that promotes cohesion between lovers.

In casual sex, the integral emotional component of sex is removed. Sex becomes viewed to be just a plain activity to derive pleasures from. An exchange of body fluids. A means of release. A way to explore. Over time, sex loses it's special purpose and more often than not, it becomes a commonplace thing to do. The sex cement effect is lost. Hence, we see open relationships, multiple partners, polygamous behaviors, so on and so forth. End result? Short-lived, broken relationship.

If you intend to enter into a relationship that lasts, a relationship that is founded on friendship, true love and not just plain superficial sexual and physical attraction, don't put sex at the top of your relationship start-up checklist. Don't make sex as the initial test to see whether the two of you shall click.

In addition, don't fall prey to a guy that feeds on sex. Don't play in his playground. Unless you are "skilled" and "experienced" enough in the game of casual sex, you might just end up emotionally wrecked.

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that sex is the most important aspect of a relationship. Definitely not. A good relationship is built on trust, acceptance, fidelity, open communication, and true love. However, sex is integral to a healthy relationship, particularly in the m2m set-up.

The bottom line?

Sex is a special human experience, and it plays a special role in romantic relationships. Make it ordinary, and you make your life less happy. Take advantage of the sex cement effect. Use it wisely and carefully, and you will enjoy a rewarding, happy romantic relationship!