"Look at that beauty and the disaster she's with," was the sarcastic remark of a chef in a restaurant where Rob Schneider and his gorgeous girlfriend had a dinner date in the movie The Animal. Apparently, the chef cannot accept the disparity that a beautiful lady would date a seemingly unpresentable gentleman, whom he esteems to be much less than himself. Does this fictional set-up also apply to reality? Definitely yes! Go strolling in the malls or just observe the people around you and you will see a lot more of "apparent disparities" like this. You see pretty ladies with not-so-good-looking boyfriends, and vice versa. They seem to get along well and they are happy in the relationship. This gives us an idea that the relationship is built on more than just superficial physical attraction. If this is the case in the heterosexual realm, how similar or how different is it in the m2m world?
Generally speaking, men are basically visual and sexually-motivated for the large part. They are internally wired and designed to be like that. They are keen on visual stimuli. On the other hand, women are rather more emotional than visual. They value emotional connection and affection more than physical traits, and they are more keen on tactile (touch) stimuli. In a heterosexual setting, this apparent difference between the male and female sexes works perfectly fine. Men (regardless of their looks) get attracted to beautiful women, court them, and do all they can to win their hearts. The women, on the other hand, even if the courting guy isn’t that good-looking, develop feelings through time as they feel valued and treated specially. The affection and attention they get from the guys along with the positive character traits the guys possess are enough to attract these women and make them fall for the guys. (This is also the mechanism why many women get fooled by men who are “expert” on this. Agree?). If heterosexual relationships work upon this principle, how similar or how different is it in the M2M set-up where mostly involved are visually-keen men?
As said earlier, males are highly visual and sexual. The principal catalyst of attraction between men are the masculine physical attributes. When a homosexual/bisexual guy sees another guy, some or all of the following are what go on in his mind: Is he good looking? Are his eyes beautiful? Is he “macho”? Is he muscular? Is he slim? Is his skin smooth and fair? Is he neat? Does he dress nicely? Are his shoulders broad, is his hip tight? Are his butts beautiful? Is he sexy? So on and so forth. Given the nature of the male sex, this physical attraction can be strong enough that it may effectively or instantly catalyze a turn of events towards the formation of a romantic relationship or mere engagement in sexual encounters or casual sex.
The physical attraction that binds an m2m relationship (be it sexual or non-sexual) tends to be shallow and the relationship is prone to break up once the physical attraction wears out and another attractive guy comes into the scene. Generally speaking, only seldom do you see an m2m relationship that is genuinely founded on love and not on sexual or physical attraction. And usually, it is this minority of relationship that usually lasts, with the added components of trust, commitment, and fidelity.
These physical criteria that the m2m world uses can be unforgivingly harsh on the aesthetically challenged. We find these men usually discriminated upon for being physically unattractive. I can just imagine how bad they must have felt to be rejected at times, if not most of the time. I count myself fortunate enough to be endowed with acceptable physical traits. I can only empathize and sympathize with these unfortunate brothers of ours who may have several times in their lives have suffered emotional pains and low self-esteem. It is a sad truth and a frank reality that the m2m world operates largely upon superficial physical attraction, leaving the aesthetically challenged ones no choice but to resort to certain means of trade-off, compromise, or compensation just to experience the joys of having a relationship, among other m2m experiences.
It is true that discrimination based on looks can be found in both the heterosexual and homosexual worlds, but it is likewise very true that it is more pronounced on the m2m world. Men will always be men, in as much as women shall always be women. The fact that men operates primarily on visual cues is something that cannot be changed unless there is a change in their male psyche, which would rather make them males no longer.
Hence, the m2m world is left with the challenge of going beyond the superficiality of physical-sexual attraction and be less discriminative of the aesthetically challenged.
How much willing are you to accept it?
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